I was married for 27 years and had 4 children. The two youngest are in hs. However, at the time I retired from the military, my priest said my marriage was over and not fixable. So he said I need to move on.

Well, it is almost 5 years, I lost 2 jobs, my two oldest have now found every reason to ignore me (one is 29 with a 11 year old still living at home) as belittle me. However, my x in 27 years only apologized 2 times, I apologized more than you know, but bottom line is. It has mentally driven me to a point that no form of depression medication will fix the problem that she is not ever going to reconcile with me. She was my sponsor when I converted all those years ago and now my faith I question. I realize we are not divorced in the church and therefore what am I to do. I can't afford annulment. Also, if I left to go to a Lutheran church to at least meet single people my age, 50's, I might end up being happy sometime. I think about my x everyday and my kids, but they got the house and live 100 miles from me, so soccer games, drop in visits are out, and I am not included in any family decisions. I am a 4th degree knight and think if I do not remain single the rest of my life, I will not make into the kingdom of heaven. The catholic church is family orientated and I never see any single adult groups, and even if there was one, it would be off limits to me as I am still married in the church.

I don't know anyone where I live, I don't do the bar scene, for what reason, it would be a sin and a waste of time anyway. So, now I understand even if I went to another denomination, that annulment is still the player and not just a catholic law? Why are there so many people who date and remarry but don't follow the rules of god. It is like a ala-carte menu for some.

Those are truly sad circumstances, and you have my sympathy and my prayers, and I hope those of people who read this.

First, we must remember that the Church did not invent marriage, God did. He made marriage between a man and woman and for life. However, after the Fall of Adam and Eve God tolerated divorce because of human weakness. Without the grace which came through Christ, mankind could not keep the moral law and the original plan of God we read about in Genesis 2 and 3. When Jesus came, He both restored the Father's plan for marriage, as well as provided the grace for us to live it. You can read about this in Matthew chapter 19.

So, the Church is just trying to be faithful to the Lord's will. If you hadn't noticed, the Catholic Church is practically the only church that still obeys the Gospel on the subject of marriage. Almost all Christian denominations, as well as other religions, permit divorce. However, leaving the Catholic Church for a church or religion that permits divorce might seem like an easy solution, but in the end you cannot run and hide from God and His law.

The Church also recognizes that people enter marriage with the wrong intentions, not REALLY intending to marry as God wishes, but to set up house for sex primarily (contracepting as they do so), or temporarily (until they get tired of this spouse and move on). In such a case, and in a rarer case of mental dysfunction where the person is simply incapable of making a lifelong commitment, the Church determines that no valid marriage occurred and issues a Decree of Nullity, or annulment. It is not a divorce that breaks one marriage to allow another, such as civil law grants, but says there never was marriage at all. I don’t know, of course if you would be eligible for one. Only a marriage tribunal could determine that. Generally, however, marriages of such duration as yours fail through human weakness and not an essential defect.

I am sorry you were given the advice you were given to walk away. The clergy must support couples not send them off to divorce lawyers. Indeed, there are only certain serious reasons that the Church’s canon law recognizes that permits separation of room and board, such as physical abuse or adultery. Both parties made a solemn vow before God and the Church that they must keep, unless such reasons occur, and the bishop approves the separation. Perhaps, too, something more could have been done at that time.

So, I strongly encourage you to persevere in your “singleness”. Your marriage vows can still be kept by praying for your wife and children, even though you don’t have much connection with them anymore. You can also pray for a change of heart ion her part. And remember that as difficult as your cross is, there are many people who are never able to marry, who are similarly divorced and alone, have lifelong illness and other great crosses, too. By joining your suffering to Christ it has great merit before God. In the end, its value to you in heaven will be eternal, while the joys of dating and remarriage contrary to the law of God will bring only a brief earthly happiness.

God bless.

COPYRIGHT 2009

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